I am living because I keep it all, keep it all inside
I keep it all, keep it all inside
Yeah, I keep it all, keep it all inside
I know I'm close to the fall...
- Everclear
"Sick and Tired"

I awoke the next morning, the last one as usual. Everyone was dressed and packing up the camp. My stomach ached severely. A few dry heaves did nothing to appease the pain.

Joxer ran over to me, looking more concerned than ever.

"Xena, don't you think we should look for a healer?" he asked. "Gabrielle seems worse than before."

Xena looked thoughtful for a moment as she examined my weary face carefully. "I think that would be wise."

I found the energy to stand. My stomach felt like it was doing cartwheels. I closed my eyes and visualized that I felt no pain- a trick I had learned in India. That seemed to calm the churning.

We walked about ten miles that day- barely a stroll for us- when I had to stop. My stomach was winning the battle against my visualization techniques and I needed to rest.

Xena noticed a temple-one of Aphrodite's in the distance, in which we could seek refuge. I collapsed inside on top of the silk embroidered pillows and moaned.

Aphrodite immediately appeared, looking rather peeved. "Hey, who told you could just..." She stopped in mid-sentence when she recognized me.

"Gabrielle!" she cried and squealed in delight. She looked more closely at my pale face and scrunched her own in disgust. "Ugh, you look like crap."

Xena did not want the Goddess of Love interfering. "Look, we won't be here long. Joxer is going to head to town and find a healer. Once the healer gets here, we'll be out of your way."

Aphrodite gasped in offense. "Do you even know who you're talking to?" With a flash of light, her scantily clad body was covered with a white lab coat. "You've got a goddess to help you make the diagnosis. What more could you want?"

"Plenty," Xena answered out of the corner of her mouth, shifting Eve's weight against her hip.

Aphrodite examined me closely, looking in my ears, down my throat, nodding at times, shaking her head at others, constantly with a pensive expression. She put her hands against my stomach. A sly smile grew on her face.

"What? What is it?" Joxer asked, almost frantic.

Aphrodite shook her head, dumbfounded. "Oops. I'd forgotten all about that." She cringed in embarrassment, but couldn't stop a slow smile from forming.

Xena's expression grew confused. Joxer's grew terrified.

Aphrodite began to pace. "Oh, don't give me that look. It's not bad at all." She paused and became pensive. "When Gabrielle was dying at the tavern and I appeared by her side, I was scared. I didn't really care about me- strange as that seems. I mean, Hephaestus was gone, so what was the point? But when I held Gabrielle and brought her to safety, my intuition told me that she would live, that love would save her." She turned Xena's way and smiled. "And it did, although not by my doing." Xena bristled in response to the memory of who saved her best friend. "Call it learning from past experience. With all the pain I was suffering from, I knew I couldn't handle being the Goddess of Love much longer. But my work wasn't finished yet, and I had to do something to seal the deal for my most challenging project." She paused and let her words weigh in. She grabbed a lock of her hair and curled it between her fingers.

Xena was ready to destroy Aphrodite's temple in anger. She strode up to the goddess until their noses were almost touching. "What did you do to Gabrielle?" she asked quietly, trying her best to control her temper.

"Whoa, back away, Warrior Princess, she's fine. I only did this out of the goodness of my heart."

Xena spat, "You're a god. You don't have a heart. All you care about is yourself."

Aphrodite tried to hide her hurt expression. "Chill. She's going to be just fine." She took a few steps back as Xena took a few steps forward. "It's nothing that won't be cured in nine months."

Xena stopped in her tracks. We gaped at Aphrodite, who giggled in response.

I couldn't believe what she was suggesting. "Are you saying that I..."

"Have a bun in the oven? Yes, I am."

This was impossible. "But the only man I ever..."

"No, hon, it wasn't done the all-natural way."

My body suddenly stiffened in fear as a realization crept inside my head. "Oh gods- this isn't another, another..." I couldn't bring myself to say the name of my first child, whose most recent attempts to infiltrate havoc were still fresh in my memory.

Aphrodite quickly sat down next to me and took my hand. "Oh no, sweet pea, I'd never do that to you. This is so much better. The father is so caring and loving and..."

"And you," Xena answered with a grimace, remembering who the father of her own child was.

Aphrodite turned to her and smiled sweetly. "No," she stated matter-of-factly. She pointed to Joxer. "It's him."

Joxer fainted.

"WHAT!?" I screamed, nearly jumping off the bed.

Aphrodite laughed, thoroughly enjoying our stunned reactions. "Oh, why didn't I think of this years ago?" She clapped her hands in amusement.

Xena poured a pitcher of water over Joxer's face. He immediately woke up.

"Showah," giggled Eve.

Tears welled in my eyes as my fury grew. I raged around the room, my feelings known to the world. "How could you do this to me? You're supposed to be the Goddess of Love."

"I was just as hurt as you were about the big dope's death," she said pointing her arm in the direction of a recovering Joxer. "I wanted to give you a gift, something to remember him by." She gulped. "At least that was the original plan. You know, at least before I came up with the new time traveling one."

I shook my head and crossed my arms. "No, this isn't happening," I said with as much determination as I could muster, despite the cracks within my voice. "I am not having a baby, least of all Joxer's."

Aphrodite rose and followed me around the room. She put her arm around me and I stiffly pulled away. Her words were quiet and timid. "I didn't do this as a punishment, Gabrielle."

I rolled my eyes, releasing the tears that were billowing there. "Look, just get out."

Aphrodite nodded and was about to turn when a realization sunk in. "Hey, no. This is my temple. You leave."

Xena lightly placed her hand on my shoulder. Her eyes were full of love and concern.

"Come on, let's get going," she whispered, handing Eve to Joxer. She escorted me outside, with Eve and Joxer following behind. Joxer's head was drooping in sadness as he clutched the little girl in his arms.

"No, this isn't happening," I said to myself. I tried to remain calm, but I could tell from Xena and Joxer's actions that they recognized my distress.

"I think we should camp here for the night," I heard Xena suggest quietly to Joxer after we had traveled a few miles. I didn't hear his reply. She dropped her pack and began to set up camp, the first item being Eve's makeshift playpen. When she finished, she lifted Eve from its confines.

"How about you help me scrounge up some food at the nearest town and get Auntie Gabby some saltines and cheese?" she asked the child, who cooed at the idea. Looking back at me before leaving, she offered the only words of wisdom she could. "Gabrielle, sometimes things happen for a reason."

"There was no reason behind this," I snapped, "except as a cruel joke."

Xena sighed and walked away.

I stared at the dirt for awhile until I felt someone sit beside me.

"Hey," Joxer greeted cautiously. He grabbed a stick and began making patterns in the dirt with it. When I didn't respond, he continued.

"I just wanted you to know that... that I'm sorry this happened to you. It certainly wasn't anything I wanted either." He paused for a moment and chuckled. "Well, that's not true. I did kind of want this, but not this way at all. I mean, I was kind of hoping to enjoy the part that led up to the baby being there and um, everything."

"Joxer," I warned exasperatedly.

He pursed his lips when he realized he screwed up. He thought carefully for a moment and then turned to me.

"What I meant to say is that I'm sorry Aphrodite did this to you and that I'm a part of it. I mean, if it wasn't for me and feeling... um... feeling... well, none of this would have happened."

The corners of my mouth turned upward at his words, no matter how much I tried to stop the movement.

"Joxer, this isn't your fault."

He sighed and winced, indicating his uncertainty. "Then why do I feel like I disappointed you?"

His words reverberated throughout my heart. I had heard similar words before from his lips-words that had been his last. I shivered as the images of his death returned, and how powerless I was to stop it.

Joxer noticed. "Are you okay?" He put his arm around me and I gladly welcomed it, snuggling closer to him. "You aren't feeling sick again, are you?"

I shook my head and buried my head in his chest. His body stiffened.

"Do you want me to get your coat?" he asked.

I listened blissfully to his heart and smirked at the increasing beats, elated to know his heart would keep beating.

I pulled away and looked deeply into his eyes. I saw a mixture of fear and concern. And I repeated the phrase I had told him on his death bed.

"Joxer, you could never disappoint me."

He smiled proudly as he noticed the sincerity in my eyes.

I was being selfish, feeling sorry for myself. I was never one to run from a challenge. And it would be a challenge raising Joxer's child. But I could give him love and support to bolster his confidence- something that Joxer seemed to lack before meeting us. I could nurture his talents- like Joxer's musical abilities and my aptitude for storytelling. I could teach him defensive fighting techniques so that he wouldn't bumble about on his feet like his father. This was my opportunity, my chance to atone for all that happened with Hope. Perhaps there was a reason Aphrodite did this- besides the overblown one of Joxer and me together, which would never happen in a million years. I could be the perfect mother to a child who required nothing less.

"How's the pregnant woman?" I heard Xena ask from behind me.

I turned and smiled at her. "Much better. I decided that the best way to deal with this is to take it all in stride. So Aphrodite did this. Well, I'll just have to make the most of this."

"Yeah," Joxer agreed. 'Like when life hands you lemons and you make lemonade." He looked at his feet glumly. "Not that I'm a lemon or anything."

"Well, the kid is half yours," Xena quipped. "Anything is possible."

Joxer scowled at the Warrior Princess. "Ha ha. Very funny."

"He did have his son Virgil," I blurted out. I immediately cupped my mouth. Xena and I had agreed not to discuss those events with anyone.

Joxer's ears perked and he turned his attention to me. "I had a son named Virgil?" he asked with glee.

Xena squirmed. "Joxer, we told you before that we can't talk about it. It's a future that won't occur."

I weighed Xena's words. When we changed the timeline, we prevented that possible future from materializing. But I remembered what Xena and I discovered in India: that our souls meet the same ones from previous lives. In this one, Joxer would be traveling with us, not married to Meg. Because of this, there would be no Virgil in anyone's lives, except...

I gasped and smiled in shock at the realization. Joxer and Xena looked at me quizzically.

"I'm carrying Virgil," I stated matter-of-factly.

Xena looked at me with doubt in her eyes, but she didn't dissuade me.

"How are you so sure?" Joxer asked.

"He was your son, a bard and a poet who could fight well when he needed to." I paused when I realized another significance- how he swore revenge on Eve when she killed Joxer, like I did when Eve was Callisto and killed Perdicus. "I saw a lot of myself in him."

He nodded, his face glowing with awe at the possibility of having a son.

Xena looked at me carefully. "Virgil, huh?" she asked. "And you're sure it's going to be a son?"

I nodded with determination. "Of course. You know just as well as I that these are a mother's instincts.

Joxer beamed even more, "You know, it would be good to have another male around here." He picked up Eve and twirled her around. She giggled in his arms. "Do you want to have a little brother?" he cooed to her. "Yes, you do, don't you? Yes you do!"

Xena rolled her eyes at his antics, though the joy behind them didn't escape my notice.

She turned her attention to me and put her arm around me. "You know, Gabrielle, I'm noticing a pattern here. You left a small village after it was devastated by an army, watched loved ones die at the hands of warlords, became a warrior, and now your second child is within you through divine intervention." She paused a moment for effect at the comparison she was insinuating and smiled coyly.

Joxer understood her meaning. "Hey, there are a lot of differences between the two of you. A big one being that Gabrielle is having a boy, not a girl."

I gestured my hand in his direction and smirked at Xena, indicating my agreement and belief that he had the final word.

Xena smiled wryly. "I stand corrected."

"Besides," Joxer continued, "I couldn't handle two Xenas. Or two Gabrielles for that matter. One of each of you is just fine, thank you."

"Hey!" we both yelled in unison.

Joxer smiled sheepishly. "Just kidding, you two." He pursed his lips and looked at us out of the corner of his eye to see if we actually believed his false statement.

Xena's eyes squinted. "You're going to pay for saying that. The next nine months of living with Gabrielle will be your punishment."

I frowned, but couldn't stop the corners of my mouth from curling up. "Yeah, if they are anything remotely like the nine months I survived when you were pregnant, Xena."

"What are you talking about? I was a model pregnant woman."

This time, Joxer and I snickered. We exchanged barbs like that for the rest of the night. A day that had begun so devastatingly ended on a pleasurable note. Things were as they'd always been between Joxer, Xena and me.

After a light dinner of saltines and cheese, my queasy stomach felt appeased. I fell asleep between Joxer and Xena and cuddled up next to Eve. This was the life I wanted, that I had fought so hard to return to.

I didn't realize that my arm had outstretched to the space between Joxer and me, nor that his had become intertwined with mine. I happily dreamt of a little tyke sleeping peacefully there, knowing that in nine months it would be a reality.

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