In the Family Way
Story #10

*****

Dance with me
I want to be your partner
Can't you say
The music is just starting
Night is fallen
And I am falling
Dance with me

--Orleans, "Dance With Me"

Come down
And waste away with me
Down with me
Slow how you wanted it to be
Over my head
Out of my head she sang

--Foo Fighters, "Everlong"

*****

When they arrived at Lykos, Xena knew right away that they should have taken the left fork in that road instead of the right one. With nothing pressing for them to deal with, she'd naively assumed one direction was as good as the other, and had led Gabrielle and Joxer straight into the eye of the storm. And now... there was no turning back.

"Xena, a festival!" Gabrielle cried, right on cue, as they neared the town. Xena sighed. Yep, no turning back; Gabrielle couldn't resist festivals. They'd be here overnight at least, and possibly all through tomorrow. The blonde bard, oblivious to her friend's feelings, added "I love festivals!" unnecessarily. "We're staying here tonight, aren't we? Xena? Joxer?"

Joxer looked at Gabrielle, who was beaming hopefully, and then at Xena - whose expression was as close to opposite Gabrielle's as could be. He looked away again, hoping maybe they wouldn't make him get involved, and started whistling.

"How about we spend an hour or two looking around, then keep on our way," Xena suggested.

It was no great surprise that this wasn't enough for Gabrielle. "But - it's a festival, Xena. You can't just stay for a couple of hours at a festival! Joxer, back me up here."

With a sigh, Joxer said, "Gabrielle really wants to stay, Xena."

Xena shook her head. "I was hoping to make it most of the way to the next town by tonight."

"Xena wants to keep going tonight," Joxer told Gabrielle, attempting a sympathetic tone.

His love crossed her arms. "Well I don't think that's fair. How often do we get to attend this sort of thing?"

Joxer blew out a breath and turned back to Xena. "How about just for tonight?"

"Inns cost money to stay at. I thought we were saving up so we could get more provisions."

"It's gonna be hard to afford, Gabby," he said, vaccilating again between the two of them.

"We can save money by just getting one room."

"We can?" Joxer said in disappointment, then caught himself when Gabrielle glared daggers at him. Turning to Xena, he finished the sentence exactly as Gabrielle had said it: "...Save money by just... getting one room, is what Gabrielle just said."

Xena glared at him as well. "I heard her, Joxer."

"I'm gonna just go, um, sit over there," he said, pointing at a log, and left the two women to figure it out between themselves. He busied himself by shaking pebbles out of his boots for about five minutes, until they approached him, having obviously reached a decision.

*****

"I love festivals," Gabrielle sighed happily, an apple in one hand and a new scroll in another. Behind her, Xena looked sullen and Joxer just tried to look blank. "They make the whole village come to life - there's something happening in every corner, so much energy and imagination... It just... It's so inspiring." She finished her soliloquy and took a bite of the apple, looking pleased with herself.

"Hey, a puppet show!" Joxer cried, pointing across the square. He turned back to his friends and found both women staring at him, expressionless. "I, um... I'm sure that kids must love that sort of thing," he said, and coughed. "Now where's the weapons table?"

Xena rolled her eyes. "I think I'll find one of those travelling knife-throwers and give him a real challenge," she said.

"Xena, there are a million things to do here. Is it too much to ask that maybe you just enjoy yourself?" Gabrielle asked, exasperated.

"Hey, I'll enjoy bugging a knife thrower." She grinned. "As long as I've already paid for the room, and to put Argo up for the night, I might as well get to enjoy myself my way." She patted Gabrielle on the back and wandered off.

The blonde sighed, and turned to Joxer. "So... now what?"

"Uh..." Joxer was peering off intently in another direction, and his head snapped back to Gabrielle with comical speed. "Uh, whatever you want, I guess. I mean, whatever festivally kind of thing you want. You... uh, you don't happen to like puppet shows, do ya?"

Gabrielle shook her head. "Oh, just go already."

He took off running, with a "See ya, Gabby!" tossed over his shoulder.

And Gabrielle was left alone in the town square, with festivities on all sides of her: dancers, acrobats, merchants, no end to the entertainers. Yet oddly enough, she suddenly couldn't think of a thing she wanted to do.

*****

They met up again at sunset, for dinner and to swap tales. Gabrielle was a bit surprised that they'd all stayed apart all day long - part of the festival experience, to her, was to spend time together. Xena shrugged in response to that. "We're together all day long, Gabrielle - what difference does it make if we're together here, or not?"

The blonde looked to Joxer, but he wasn't even paying her much attention. He seemed to be focusing on his pile of chicken instead. Gabrielle sighed. "Fine. I guess the important part is that we have a good time."

"Yeah," mumbled Joxer, with his mouth full. "I never get to eat like this most of the time."

"Congratulations," Gabrielle answered irritably, and sighed. There was silence for a few moments, and music floated in their direction from across the pavillion. A crowd had gathered in the square, and after Gabrielle's gaze fell on them, she perked up agin. "Look! Dancing!"

Xena picked up her cup. "Hmm, haven't seen any of that at all today," she said before taking a drink.

"Funny," said Gabrielle sarcastically. "I mean a dance. We haven't danced since the last time we saw Autolycus."

Joxer looked up, frozen in mid-chew. "You danced wif Autolycus?"

"Not for months now, and you know what? I want to do it again."

"But Autolycus isn't here," Xena said coolly, a hint of a teasing smile on her face.

Gabrielle simply glared at her, and stood up. "Listen, I am gonna go dance, and one of you is coming with me," she said, planting her hands on her hips firmly and staring at both of her companions. Joxer loudly swallowed a mouthful of chicken, while Xena blinked from behind her cup; both stared at the bard as she looked between the two. A moment later, Xena pointed innocently at Joxer.

"Hey!" Joxer said, as Gabrielle grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. "I just ate!"

Grinning, Gabrielle said, "That means you're slower, and easier to catch than she is."

"You snooze, you lose," Xena said, and smiled.

Joxer continued to resist, looking rather nervous. "But, shouldn't she have to do it by default, since she pushed it off on me? I mean... I mean... She who smelt it, dealt it!" he finished in desperation. Xena, in mid-drink, had to spit out her ale as she started laughing.

Gabrielle looked plaintive. "Please, Joxer. I really want to dance. Please?" She took his hand again, and although he still didn't move, he did shift his hand and take hold of hers in return. Gabrielle felt warm, and slightly giddy, at the feeling. "Dance with me," she said in a quiet voice - quiet, but with no room left for argument.

A swat on Joxer's posterior was Xena's way of sealing the decision. "Just go, or she'll never leave either of us alone," the warrior said with a grin, and Joxer let himself be led away, rubbing his rear as he went.

Xena couldn't figure out why the big dope had resisted so firmly. This should be one of those moments he was just waiting for! And besides which - he and Gabrielle really seemed to be making a sort of headway lately; the boy was in some serious need of confidence lessons, if he still was too nervous to dance with her even now. It wasn't as if Gabrielle were going to expect a whole lot out of him, or anything. She grinned to herself. This oughta be fun to watch, if nothing else.

She watched them make their way towards the centre of the square, with Joxer sweating and Gabrielle leading the entire way; after that, it took them a while to even figure out how to stand together. Xena tried not to laugh. Maybe Joxer had had a good reason to be nervous, after all. Half the song was over before they could agree on a place for him to keep his hands - on her sides, a little ways above her hips - and when they first started dancing, he stepped on her feet about three times before he got the hang of the beat.

But eventually he did get the hang of it, and Xena could see they were genuinely enjoying themselves as they danced slowly together among the lovers in the pavillion. Gabrielle in particular was having a better time than Xena would have even expected her to; the glowing smile never left her face, and when Joxer's hands slipped closer together around her back, holding her a little tighter and a little closer to his body, the smile just grew brighter.

She blinked as she watched, frowning slightly. They really had started getting along better, hadn't they? She'd taken it for granted, she supposed, since usually whenever they were doing well together within a week or so they were once again breaking whatever closeness they'd built up into little tiny pieces. She felt like she was babysitting them half the time. But what she hadn't realized until now was just how much more comfortable they'd become around one another when they were gettimg along. The Gabrielle of just a few months ago wouldn't have had her arms around Joxer's neck so willingly - unless it were to choke him.

They did look good together, though, Xena thought as she finished off her bread. She smirked briefly. Imagine saying that, about Joxer and Gabrielle! Well, who knew what would happen with the two of them later on, but right now, dancing together, they looked perfectly natural. They looked... together, in a way she couldn't put her finger on.

She frowned minutely; as a rule, she disliked not being able to put her finger on things, and it tended to drive her to distraction trying to figure out what she was missing. Gabrielle looked the same as ever; Joxer wasn't wearing his helmet, so he looked a bit more - well - human, instead of like some bizarre scarecrow, but that wasn't exactly out of the ordinary; she'd seen them together all the time, so it wasn't that; they certainly weren't dancing like professionals or anything, either. For Gabrielle it was a step down, since they were confined mostly to traditional steps that led them in a broad circle. But they managed it somehow, with a sort of natural ease - a grace, between the two of them. Joxer followed her so naturally that it looked as if they moved in synch, as if they knew each other's moves by heart. As if they'd danced together for years.

Odd, she thought, and shook her head a moment later. Odd, perhaps, but not really important. It couldn't be important. It was just the shock of seeing Joxer stay on his feet while he danced that had her so... puzzled. Right. That was definitely it.

*****

It was a beautiful song. It was, in fact, Joxer's new favourite song, although he knew he'd never be able to remember a single measure of it tomorrow. But it was beautiful, and somehow he was able to dance to it with ease... must have been magic. Well - dance through most of it, anyway, now that he'd managed to stop stepping on Gabrielle's feet. After the third time, she'd hissed, "Pay attention to where I'm stepping, or else I'll break your nose!", and that had gotten through to him. And actually, paying attention to her moves made sense, and it helped. He relaxed, and felt how her body was moving underneath and against his arm, and then, it just... flowed. It was easy.

Well, not easy, but much simpler than he'd feared.

And she was enjoying herself. He could see it in her face. He grinned, as she lifted her arm slightly, and he took the cue and spun her. She twirled gracefully, her skirt spinning softly about her legs, her hair fanning in arcs from her face, and he knew he was the luckiest man in the entire festival that night.

When she came to a rest, she stepped back to him, and they put their arms around one another again, consciously keeping each other at a distance, unconsciously making the distance smaller by the minute. "You're doing pretty well," she told him with a radiant smile.

"Were you really gonna pick Xena to dance with you?" he asked, cocking his head and raising an eyebrow.

Her smile became a smirk, and her eyes glinted mischieviously. "She is a better dancer," was her only answer. She held onto his left hand with her right, and rested her head on his shoulder, slowing their movements.

"Keep your hand there," she said, as his right hand slipped from her ribcage to just above her hip.

Joxer nodded, but asked, "Why?" It didn't seem to be improving their dancing any.

"It feels nice there," she said softly, her voice warm.

Joxer, you are a lucky bastard, a giddy voice said in his head. His heart shuddered in his chest, and he moved his head slightly so that his cheek brushed against her reddish-gold hair.

*****

Asking him to dance, Gabrielle thought to herself as the song wound to a close, had been a mistake. Not because he was bad, or that she hadn't enjoyed it... but because, being this close to him, in this manner... Well, she hadn't meant for her thoughts to take that direction, but once they had, they had done so rather single-mindedly. She sighed, lifting her head from Joxer's shoulder and looking him in the eye. "Hey."

He blinked, looking distracted. "Huh? ..Oh." He let go of her, and stepped back a bit. The musicians began another song, this one faster than the first, and she gazed up at him; his face was shadowed, but not hidden, and the darkness hit the various angles in his face and outlined them. As he stepped away from her, she took a step forward, trying without thinking to stay in his embrace. Joxer blinked, apparently uncertain what to make of her movements; as he always did when he was confused, he tried to act like he hadn't noticed anything. "Um, w-well I guess we can sit down now..."

"I guess we could..." Gabrielle reached a hand up to touch his face, and his eyes flicked nervously to Xena.

"And, um," he gave a dry chuckle, "you can have that dance with Xena you'd been wanting..."

She gave a small half-laugh in return, and her fingers slipped along his face to tweak his nose gently. "Funny guy," she murmured, turning to look in Xena's direction for herself. Her warrior friend seemed to be watching them only for lack of anything else to do; she raised an eyebrow when Gabrielle grinned at her, but did nothing else.

Joxer started back towards the table Xena was occupying, and Gabrielle caught his arm as subtly as she could. "Joxer," she said, trying to keep her voice intimate over the throb of the dance music and the hum of the people in the crowd. "I don't want to sit back down."

He turned back to her, looking somewhat surprised. "Oh, well - it's been a while since I've danced to this kinda music, but I've got some moves I wanted to try out, and..."

"I don't want to dance, either," she said, and felt the music singing in her veins as his eyebrows went up. "Take me up to our room," she said, command in her tone, for a moment looking every inch the Amazon Queen she was. Joxer nodded dumbly, then looked back to Xena, and hesitated before moving.

"Xena... what do we..."

Gabrielle nodded, then took a step forward and suddenly stumbled. She reached out for him, grasped at his arm for balance, and said, "Now help me back to her, and let me do the talking."

Sometimes, Joxer thought as he let Gabrielle pretend to lean on him on their way back to their friend, she STILL amazes me.

Xena half-rose when they drew near, concern filling her face. "Gabrielle! What -"

"I'm fine," Gabrielle answered, her voice the perfect mix of tension and embarrassment. "It's that stupid trick ankle," she added, "you know, it's been fine for months now, it figures it'd give out while I was enjoying myself..."

"Let me see it," Xena said firmly, coming forward to check on her.

Gabrielle clung tighter to Joxer's shoulder, losing some of her confidence. "NO - I mean, no, it's fine, Xena. I'm sure it'll be all better tomorrow, don't bother yourself." Xena looked so worried about her that she suddenly felt intensely guilty, and the pained smile she gave her friend was hardly faked at all. "I've... been through this enough to know how bad it is," she added weakly.

"I can take her up to our room," Joxer said quickly, and Gabrielle wanted to groan. Not an ounce of subtlety. She felt even worse when Xena gave him a long, slightly puzzled look.

"We can both take her up. I'm not exactly hanging out here for the excitement."

All three were silent for a moment. Gabrielle clutched at Joxer's shoulder again, thinking desperately of an excuse, when Xena suddenly seemed to change her mind. Abruptly, she said, "On second thought, Joxer, go be a hero." She gave him some sort of indecipherable look, and then said to Gabrielle, "I'm gonna wander around a bit more, then I'll come up for the night. Don't put any more weight on that ankle than you have to, and -"

"I know the drill, Xena," she answered, a fresh stab of guilt going through her, and smiled. "Thanks for worrying, but I'll be fine. Even with -" she nodded her head at Joxer - "him taking care of me."

Joxer grumbled. "Thanks a lot. I could just drop you right now, y'know." Xena caught his eye, looking oddly dangerous, and he fell silent. "Um... thanks," he told her, which puzzled Gabrielle even more, and they hobbled away.

"What the heck made her change her mind?" Gabrielle wondered, trying to look back over Joxer's shoulder as they walked. It threw their balance off, so she stopped.

Joxer cleared his throat, and said casually, "Huh... no idea. I was wondering that too."

Her arm tightened around his shoulders as they walked, and by the time they left the last vestiges of the crowd behind, his fingers were teasing lightly at the belt of her skirt. Desire made her feel flushed and giddy, and she wriggled against him, both in response to his touch and in an effort to increase it. His hands, his body, felt so good... she needed to touch him. She slid her arm down his back, down to his butt, and then the playfulness she'd been feeling all night took over, and she goosed him.

"Hey!" Despite the indignation in his tone, Joxer seemed nothing if not happy. Grinning, he grabbed her hand and kissed it, his eyes meeting hers as his long fingers curled around the soft skin of the back of her hand.

Her hand was quickly replaced by her mouth, and it was while they fumbled their way to the relative privacy of a back alley, barely taking their mouths off one another for more than a few seconds at a time, that Gabrielle decided the hotel room wasn't necessary.

*****

Joxer wasn't sure exactly how they'd gone so quickly from walking down the street to making out in an alleyway, though with Gabrielle things just seemed to happen this way. When she was ready, she was ready.

Times like these, he found that somewhat hedonistic aspect of her personality particularly appealing.

Oh yeah, these were the good times; embracing her, breathing her in, running his hands through her hair as her own hands pressed against his chest, clenched at his butt... Her kisses were deep, insistent, and involved a whole lot of tongue. She pulled back a bit, panting - he loved it when she was out of breath like this - and, almost observationally, gave him a few quick, decisive kisses, her tongue just barely darting between his open lips each time. She was actually closer to simply licking him than really kissing; the sensation energized him, and the effect that it had on his arousal was quite impressive.

"Do festivals always have this effect on you?" he whispered hoarsely.

"You'd be surprised," she said throatily, and pulled him in for another wet kiss.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind that was still functioning (for now, anyway), it dawned on him that they were no longer heading for the room at the Inn. "Uh," he managed when she tore herself away from his mouth, but the thought flitted out of his mind when she started suckling on his earlobe. Instinct took over, and he ran his hands down her body and back up, reaching under her skirt and cupping the swells of her butt. She giggled softly into his ear, then kissed his neck just below.

With a rush of breath, the thought from before came back to him. "Uh... Gab... We, uh..." She interrupted him with a couple of soft kisses, before turning her attention to loosening the ties at the front of his shirt. "Um, are we... I mean, we're kinda, uh, in public..."

She slid her hands up the front of his shirt, and traced a finger from each hand around his nipples in soft, deliberately slow circles. "Joxer," she said sternly, "you're boring me."

"Aw, hell," he muttered, and ducked his head to kiss her neck, then lower to her cleavage.

"Good boy," she gasped, pulling a hand out of his shirt to hold at the back of his head. It egged him on, and he transitioned quickly from kissing to licking, beginning at the small hollow right between her breasts and then taking his time from there. Her top got in the way, and he spent a bit of time mindlessly trying to find a way to get rid of it without any actual effort, but the angle - stooped in front of her, almost kneeling, up against a wall... well, it just wasn't lending itself to the situation. Reluctantly he lifted his head and unlaced her top as quickly as he could.

"Joxer," she gasped, a blush painted over her skin, "f-forget the hotel room."

"Huh?" Her timing wasn't really the best; right now, Joxer simply wasn't in the mental state to be able to wrap his head around what she meant.

"Here," she whispered, and put a hand to his cheek, running her thumb over his lips. "I want you here - now -"

He stood up, understanding. "HERE?" he squeaked. Gabrielle made the face she usually made when he was well on the way to spoiling the mood. He backpedaled. "Uh - but - gods, Gabby, isn't this kinda... um... open?"

She was picking at the knot to his pants even as he protested. "I want you," she repeated huskily.

He shuddered involuntarily. "We..." The words were suddenly a good deal harder to pronounce, for some reason. "W-we can't..." Not that he had any idea why they couldn't, in all honesty. She got the knot undone and, meeting his eyes, slid her hand slowly down along his bare leg. He shivered again, and said in a squeak, "...Can we?"

She smiled, and it was everything that made her Gabrielle: stubbornness, determination, passion, and an uncertainty hidden behind it all that she was fighting against. Her hand brushed against his erection, softly enough that he thought it was one of her usual "mistakes"; but her fingertips lingered, deliberately trailing down the shaft in an oddly tentative caress. "Oh yes," she breathed, her eyes hazy, "we can."

Two fingers slipped against him again, and it was definitely no accident on her part; she enclosed him, one finger on either side, and stroked gently, teasingly. He shook, squeezed his eyes shut, not so much at the sensation as at the impact of her actually, finally, touching him; after so many times of being inside her, he was almost surprised by the way it hit him to just feel her fingertips - her hand, now, as she became a bit bolder and truly encircled it - briefly at first, pulling away and then returning, running her palm along the shaft. No fingers now.

He bit his lip, his eyes still closed, and braced himself, one hand on the wall behind her. The other one, moving entirely on instinct now - any part of his brain capable of premeditation had completely shut down by now - made its way back up her skirt, mimicking the path her hand was taking on him. Down her leg, now stroking a finger up the inside of her thigh, now that same finger worked its way around the edge of her panties and along the lips of her labia.

Gabrielle gasped softly, and at the same time he felt her head resting on his shoulder, and her hand tightened around his manhood. He winced - she didn't have the best angle for a grip like that - but then she ran her thumb over the tip, and he felt it throughout his body. His thumb found her clitoris, and he again echoed the action she'd just taken on him; she squeaked, lifted her head, and kissed him furiously.

She quested for control right away, and he gave it without a struggle, leaning closer as she shoved her tongue down his throat, pressing them both so closely against the wall that they could almost have been a part of it; but between her legs, he was the one with the power over her, sliding a finger inside of her, then a second, curling them upward as she arched her body against his. She kept her hand on his erection, occasionally squeezing or tugging at it, working mostly around the tip; his skill - whether instinct or not - was more refined than hers, and he kept his thumb working her clit and timed the thrusts of his fingers within her to match the thrusts of her tongue in their kiss.

At last she broke it, pushing him away forcefully and giving him a wild-eyed look. "Now," she said thickly, in a tone that left no room for argument. "I need you inside me. I need you now."

"Okay." He nodded, and scrambled to pull down her underwear and find a good position for them at the same time. Her hand left him, withdrew from his pants, and she helped him pull them down enough; then, through silent agreement, he lifted her and she wrapped her legs around him and leaned backwards against the wall. He shifted her around in his arms as she steadied them there, letting him find the right grip around her thighs and buttocks, and put her arms over his shoulders when he seemed to be settled.

"I won't drop you," he promised softly, gazing up into her eyes.

She smiled. "I know."

He shut his eyes as she lowered herself, sliding down onto him, and lost himself in the feeling of filling her; subsequent moving within her took a bit more work, and she had to push back from him and lean against the wall to give them leverage. He added a hand, giving himself some momentum as well, and it got easier from there.

Gods, she was in amazing shape - he opened his eyes and could see her abs flexing as they went. Lifting his head a little, he found himself at eye level with her breasts - always a good thing. He kissed the tops of them, and nudged her already-loosened top as far apart as it would go, barely managing to reach the tips of her nipples with his tongue.

She moaned, clutching at his hair. "Bad... bad boy, Joxer, what am I going to do with you..."

He grinned up at her. "You'll - think of something..."

"When you least expect - oh GODS..." She gasped, clenching her fist and tugging at his hair. "Don't stop, oh, don't..."

He wasn't certain what she meant precisely, but it didn't matter; with a bit more effort he sped up his pace, and returned his attention to her breasts, trying to lick as far down them as he could. She didn't argue. If he really craned his neck, he could actually get to the swell below the nipple on one, and when he did she grabbed his hair again, in both hands this time.

The next thing he knew, he was spiralling dizzily towards orgasm, though he had no idea how it had snuck up on him like this, it felt too soon. "Gab," he said, gasping, "I'm gonna, gods, I'm sorry-"

"Oh yes," she panted, "yes, come now Joxer - go faster -"

He tightened everything - his grip on her, his resolve, all his muscles at once from the feel of it - and leaned into her, thrusting as quickly as he could, pressing his head against her breasts and watching the one just in front of him bounce. And then he had to squeeze his eyes shut, as every piece of energy in his body gathered in one spot and exploded; he came inside her, gritting his teeth, biting back the usual declaration of his undying love. His arms were wobbly when it was over, but fortunately she came as well about three seconds later; loudly, as she always did when it was a good one - he smiled privately - and quite lengthily, or so it seemed to him.

Gabrielle gets her way again, he thought to himself, and smirked. They relaxed back against the wall, his head pillowed again on her breasts, and he listened to the beat of her heart.

Life was good.

*****

Gabrielle adjusted her skirt as they walked down the road, trying to remember where the inn they were staying in was. "You're sure it's not bunched up or anything?"

Joxer finished knotting his pants, and looked up. "I dunno, I'll check again," he said, and took the opportunity to stare at her butt as she walked.

She sighed, and turned to him with a stern look. "I think you'd be able to tell by now, without taking advantage of my good will."

"Me? Taking advantage?" He affected an innocent expression, and she swatted him, barely hiding a grin.

They walked on in silence, until she spoke again. "What do we do if she's there?"

"Xena?" Gabrielle just nodded. "Uh... We can say that you were hungry, so we went out to get you food."

"Which makes so much sense, given that we left her because I couldn't stand on my ankle."

Joxer looked worried. "What's wrong with your ankle??" At her look, he looked sheepish. "Oh yeah. Well, umm... we could always say we got lost... I mean, it hasn't been that long, has it?"

"Long enough for us to get back to the inn. There aren't that many in this town, after all."

"Well, c'mon, maybe she's not even there. Let's worry about it when we get there and see."

Gabrielle sighed again, then smiled slightly. "You have a really interesting way of looking at things, don't you."

"That's what my dad always said," Joxer answered lightly. He slowed, and looked at Gabrielle's back. "Maybe I should check your skirt again..."

"Knock it off," she said, with more exasperation than she actually felt. They passed through a well-lit area, and Joxer stopped.

"Hold it," he said, grabbing her arm. "Your back." He didn't elaborate.

She tried to wrap her mind around that statement. "Um... I didn't go anywhere...?" she replied, slowly, and he stared at her for a moment before breaking into snickers.

"No no - your back," he repeated, and pointed at her back and shoulders. "It's all scratched up. What happened?"

"Oh." She tried not to blush, and instead wriggled her shoulders a little. "I could feel it when it was happening. It's from, um... y'know."

"You should've said something!" Joxer sounded genuinely contrite. "Geez, I'm sorry -"

"Oh, forget it," she said dismissively. Damn, she was in a good mood suddenly. "It wasn't worth interrupting over it, anyway, and it doesn't hurt that much now. Is it really noticeable?" she asked as they found the inn they were staying in, and headed up to their room.

Joxer considered, staring at her as she walked. "Ummm... it's... in this light, yeah, kinda."

"Shoot. Oh well, we'll think of something."

The room was empty when they got there - good, Xena wasn't back yet. One worry down. Gabrielle shut the door, and as soon as she had, Joxer put his arms around her in an unexpectedly warm and goofy hug. He followed it by a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks."

"Ugh, don't thank me! You make it sound like I helped you move or something!" she griped, pushing at his embrace without any real force. He ignored her and laughed.

*****

The dance troupe that had taken over after the local band had left was unimpressive. Xena fought down the urge to knock out the leader and try and show the rest of the troupe some new moves, and instead just got up to go back to their room. Hopefully, Joxer had appreciated the opportunity to play caretaker to Gabrielle; of course, by now, her ankle would need some better tending to if it was going to be most of the way better by morning.

She was sleepy enough to be yawning by the time she reached their room, but was surprised out of her fatigue at the sight that greeted her.

"Hey, Xena!" Gabrielle said from the bed, where she was lying on her stomach as Joxer hovered over her. Joxer nodded in her direction but didn't take his eyes from Gabrielle's back.

"Ah..." The Warrior Princess took a few moments to figure out what was going on, and finally it clicked. There were some sort of odd marks all over her best friend's back, and Joxer was applying salve to them. "What happened to your back, Gabrielle?"

"Oh - some kind of rash," the bard said airily. "Joxer's taking care of it, though." Joxer looked up at this point and gave Xena a huge grin; the warrioress responded with a roll of her eyes.

"Well, good for him. How's your ankle?"

"Huh?" Gabrielle looked blank for a moment, then recognition dawned. "Oh! Sore, but not as bad as it has been sometimes. Y'know, I'd actually forgotten about it just then?"

Joxer spoke up, "Probably 'cause of my medical prowess. These hands are skilled."

"Don't quit your day job, Hippocrates," Gabrielle shot back wryly.

"Hey, lighten up or I'll leave this stuff off of crucial places." He wriggled salve-covered fingers towards her nose, and she grimaced and smacked his hands away.

Xena watched them, an odd feeling gnawing at the back of her mind. "I can take over on that," she offered, but Joxer shook his head.

"Nah, I'm just about done." He traced his fingers along Gabrielle's back, rubbing the salve in gently. They both seemed perfectly content.

It was nice. It was as it should be. Sure it was.

But still, Xena couldn't shake that weird, unidentifiable feeling.

*****

She was tense, that was what it was, she was extremely tense, and when she got tense she got cranky. And moody. And hungry, which was what had led to Xena having to go back to the town they'd just left and pick up a few more supplies.

Not that Gabrielle had actually kept all of what she'd eaten down, of course.

Stomach virus. Or Joxer's cooking. Or... or just tension. Gods, please, just tension...

She hoped madly, fervently, profoundly that her crankiness, moodiness, hunger, and nausea were unrelated to the fact that she was also late in her cycle. She hoped, but also knew that there was more chance that they were related than not.

It wasn't that she'd always been regular like the moon, or anything, she thought distractedly as she paced through the field near their campsite. But ever since the start of her - dalliances - with Joxer, she had become increasingly fastidious in keeping track of just how long it was between cycles, and she usually fell anywhere between eighteen to twenty-nine days.

She neared the edge of their camp, and turned back to pace some more. Joxer was in that camp, and with him, a discussion she wasn't ready to have just yet.

So, she was late. So, it had been thirty-two days; that didn't mean it wouldn't come, any time now. But there was a sinking, frightened feeling in her stomach, and a voice in the back of her head told her that she was going to have to get ready to pay the price for her "guilt-free" affair with her friend.

And then...?

She couldn't even think of that, yet. Wringing her hands, she wondered how long she should wait before telling Joxer. If she told him before she was sure, he might freak out completely and then it could still turn out to be nothing. But if she waited too long, she might chicken out... And it was his responsibility, too.

Gods. They'd been so stupid until now.

She looked up from the field's growth that was surrounding her ankles, and down the path they'd been travelling. Xena would be back soon; she and Joxer were supposed to have been stripping down the camp to get ready to keep moving as soon as Xena returned. Gabrielle, however, had had to excuse herself shortly after Xena left - breakfast wasn't staying put - and had left Joxer to his own devices for quite some time now.

Better get back to him... And nothing to worry about right now, after all. It wasn't like she had to tell him right away, right?

With that in mind, she took a deep breath and forced herself to walk leisurely back to the site. When she arrived, Joxer was just slinging his pack over his shoulder, his attire - the hated armour - suggesting he was more than ready to get going. But most of the rest of the camp was still unpacked, as it had been when Gabrielle had left, when Xena had left.

Gabrielle felt her body go even tenser than it had been before, and she came to a slow halt.

"Oh, hey," said Joxer casually, apparently yet to notice the rigid attitude she was holding herself in. "I was just about to come find you."

"What's going on?" she asked quietly, looking around the campsite as if she suspected she'd missed something. Now that she looked a bit closer, the site wasn't exactly as it had been when she'd left - Joxer had packed away all the cooking utensils before he'd gathered his own belongings up, and outside of her own bedroll and some spare scrolls, all that was left was Xena's. But that didn't explain Joxer's appearance of readiness to go. With a sternly questioning look that bordered on accusatory, she repeated her question without words.

Joxer grinned unabashedly. "Oh, I just thought it was about time I got going, y'know? I mean, I've been around for a while, and... uh..." He lowered his voice, possibly in an attempt at sensitivity. "Aren't you, y'know, kinda... *ahem*, soon?"

The comment struck a raw nerve in her, and she felt her stomach jolt. She felt a need to lash out, and picked the first reason she could find: "You're leaving because I'm due? Gods, Joxer, and you think Xena's not going to put two and two together if you just pack up and leave for five days every four weeks?"

Joxer turned bright red, and took his helmet off sheepishly. "Okaaaay..." She could see the gears turning as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I could stay a few more days and then we'll see-"

Gabrielle snorted. "Eventually she's going to notice that you never seem to leave. She's already commenting on how often you're here with us, anyway." She shook her head, and turned away from him in frustration to stuff her scrolls into her bag.

Behind her, Joxer let out a slow breath. "Okay, Gab," he said carefully, with more than a touch of annoyance in his voice. "Seeing as how Xena's going to figure it out whether I stay or go, what exactly do you want me to do?"

She clenched her fists, felt her blood boil almost to the breaking point - then caught herself, and sagged. The only reason the question angered her so much was because she didn't know the answer to it, herself. Damn, but she hated it when Joxer was actually astute. With an effort, she relaxed a bit; Joxer was an easy target to take out her frustration on, but she usually hated herself afterwards for the amount of trouble she put him through.

"Sorry," she muttered, putting a hand to her forehead. "I'm just... ugh, tense."

"I noticed," he said from behind her, and put a hand on her shoulders. "That's why I figured it was... y'know, uh, 'that' time."

She tensed even more as her stomach hit her boots.

Joxer failed to notice. "So, then, it's not...?" He didn't wait for an answer, but instead slid his hand down her arm and let his fingers brush her bare stomach, while he nuzzled her neck softly. "'Cause ya know," he continued, that note of almost comical suggestiveness cropping up in his voice, "I know this one thing that usually melts the tension right out of ya..."

If it had been any other day, Gabrielle probably would have given in. As it was, she actually paused for a few moments, as Joxer's hands pushed slowly down the front of her skirt, before groaning, "Oh, gods, not now Joxer!"

And just like that, he stepped away from her. She turned to face him and found him looking wholly unperturbed. "Okay," he said with a casual shrug. "Just thought I'd offer."

"Look, you can't just - come on to me every time I have a problem!" Which he probably knew, but she suddenly had to yell at him or she'd explode.

"Geez, Gab, I'm sorry already!" He was getting irritated, which both tended to give fuel to Gabrielle's own anger and secretly please her as well. "I can't - Xena." He cut himself off so abruptly that it took her a moment to understand what he'd just said.

Her best friend rode up from behind her a moment later, and dismounted. "This time, I'm carrying the nutbread," she told Gabrielle, her expression and voice serious except for the hint of amusement shown in a raised eyebrow. When she got no immediate response, however, she looked around and took the situation in. "Boy, you guys sure know how to pack up camp," she quipped before turning to Joxer. "You heading off?"

Joxer plopped his helmet back on his head, and looked pointedly at Gabrielle. "I'm not sure yet," he said distinctly. Gabrielle had to force herself not to groan - the man seemed to take every opportunity to prove that he didn't have an ounce of subtlety in his entire being; but a moment later, a groan escaped her anyway, for a different reason. By the gods, wasn't anything staying down today??

"Gabrielle?" Xena said quickly, now completely serious. "What's wrong?"

The bard put a hand over her mouth and shut her eyes, trying to fight down her nausea, but lost the battle. "I'm - I'm going to be sick," she managed, and took off in the direction she'd gone earlier that morning.

Behind her, Xena looked after her until she was out of sight, then turned to Joxer. "That's never good. Gabrielle has the constitution of an ox," she said, looking worried. "Did you cook breakfast?"

"Ha ha," Joxer answered curtly. "Uh, I think I might know what the problem is." Xena's expression composed itself from worry into expectation; now was obviously when he was supposed to explain just what the problem was. Unfortunately, there really was no way for him to do that, so he just pretended he didn't catch the hint. "Ya know, you can rest - I'll go after her this time," he said - hopefully in a cheerful-sounding voice - and took off.

Xena snorted, and turned to Argo with a sour expression on her face. "No one tells me anything anymore."

*****

How unfair was this, Joxer wondered as he did his best to track Gabrielle's path. Oh, sure, if he came up with excuses to get her alone they were always lame and Xena was going to see right through them; but now Gab didn't even seem to be trying to come up with decent ones for them, herself. "Going to be sick"? That sounded lame even to him. She had a lot of nerve, telling him that he was going to give them away! And now he was just expected to follow her off, like her dog; which he was doing, of course, and despite his current resentment he wouldn't have even considered not following her. Even though it was just going to be a continuation of her yelling at him, like before... and for no good reason, either.

Okay, so sure, so he did stupid things. So sometimes he let his sex drive do the thinking for him. But she just went ahead and came onto him any time she wanted! He never even argued that! ...Mostly, he admitted, because he really really liked it when she got all aggressive like that. But that wasn't the point, the point was that he had tried every single option he could think of to do it "right" today and she'd pretty much shown him that, when it came to him, there was no "right".

Joxer always does it wrong. Joxer always screws it up. Joxer's always stupid.

Well, Joxer was sick of that.

If she wanted him out here to give him a hard time, well damn it all, she was going to get a hard time in return. Love Gabrielle or not, enough was enough; and since she'd even used his habit of not sticking up for himself as a reason to get angry with him, well this time that was going to come back down on her, too. Joxer steeled himself for a confrontation and let his blood really boil.

And then he found her. Kneeling on the ground, her back to him, sniffling and wiping her mouth. In obvious pain. His anger was almost actually physically knocked out of him.

"Gabby, oh geez," he breathed, rushing to her side, scrambling to do anything to help her and feeling about to drown in guilt.

She hung her head and tried to pull away from him as he knelt next to her, but the movement was weak. "Go away," she said in a rough voice, then her body hitched, and she turned aside and vomited.

Joxer winced and shut his eyes, but pulled her hair back from her face and rubbed her neck until she was done. "Oh, geez, you really are sick..." he said stupidly, as she sat up, breathing in choking gasps and rubbing clumsily at her mouth with the back of her hand. "Um - wait," he mumbled, and fished around within his armour for a handkerchief. "There. Lemme clean you up."

She pushed his hand away from her face, but took the rag and uttered a rough "Thanks." He waited until she seemed done cleaning herself up, then put an arm around her shoulders. When she didn't push him away, he put his other arm around her and drew her against him. She was surprisingly quiescent, and leaned against him in silence for a few moments. Then she sniffed and sat up, blowing out a big breath, keeping her eyes on the ground. "Um. Sorry about... that."

"No problem. I mean, you missed my boots this time."

She still didn't look at him, but she laughed. It was something.

"So, uh... bad stew?"

No laugh this time. He swallowed, as her silence continued, somehow growing heavier by the second.

"Gab...?"

"I'm... I'm late, Joxer," she said quietly, hoarse and ragged and frightened.

He blinked. "Hey, that's nothing to get sick over," he said loudly, cheerfully, hoping she'd perk up. Her eyes shot up to him in surprise, but he failed to register it. "We'll get you there anyway and I'm sure they'll understand."

Gabrielle's expression was something along the lines of disbelief and disgust. "What...?"

He shrugged. "Look, all I mean is - how late are you? And how far is it from here? And uh... late for what, one of those barding competitions? 'Cause maybe you can get a late entry or something -"

She erupted, and pushed him with both hands, shutting him up. "Not - late - like - that! You moron, you idiot, I mean I'm PREGNANT!"

Joxer swore his heart stopped beating. Gabrielle was staring at him, looking stunned, as if she'd surprised herself with the revelation as much as she had him. He swallowed, and stammered, "Pregnant, like... like having a baby?"

"Oh, gods," Gabrielle muttered, and put her head in her hands.

"Sorry, sorry, look, it's just.. I mean, I never - "

She looked at him again and nodded, then took his hand. "I know. I'm sorry. We just, we have to keep calm about this. I shouldn't have blurted it out like that - I'm only a few days late, and I really don't know for sure. But... there's a good chance that I am. And we have to keep our heads."

"Right." On some inner level, Joxer was amazed by the fact that he was able to answer her coherently, almost as if his head wasn't about to explode. A baby. He was having a baby. Well - Gabrielle was having the baby, but it was his.

Gods. Gabrielle. Was having his baby. She was carrying a part of him. Oh, gods. Breathe, Joxer. If your head explodes you won't be around to raise the kid with her. It was amazing. It was the greatest thing ever. He'd never even thought about it before now, mostly because Gabrielle had never brought the subject up and he'd been so busy just letting her screw him senseless that he hadn't really thought past that. And now that he did think about it, he felt great, he felt like this was the best day of his life.

A look at Gabrielle, however, made him realize that she felt just about exactly the opposite.

She was the picture of misery: scared, angry, deeply unhappy, shaking and close to tears. The sting of seeing her in this state was dwarfed, however, by the knowledge that what horrified her most about it was the same thing that thrilled him so much - that it was his.

He felt suddenly and horribly crushed, as if one of the Titans were attempting to grind him beneath its heel... But then, no one had asked Gabrielle if she wanted this, least of all him. And she was the one bearing the child; she was the one whose life would be taking the most change, right away, without warning. And he couldn't, just couldn't do that to her. His feelings weren't important - it was her life, and her body, and all choice had to be hers. His throat was so tight it felt almost swollen shut, but he took a breath and managed, "Well... what - what are you going to do about it?"

All the colour seemed to drain from Gabrielle's face, and her eyes went wide. "What - what am I -" She laughed harshly. "How - how can you just say that?! I didn't want this any more than you did, you know, but like it or not this is your baby as much as it is mine. It is not just my problem!"

Joxer felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Actually, he decided after a moment's consideration, getting punched in the gut was less painful than hearing that had been... But Gabrielle tended to be a lot more vicious when she was really upset, so he tried to ignore the hurtful part of what she'd just said and focus on the important part, the gist of it all...

...Which was... what, exactly? She didn't want the baby, it was a problem, and she hated him. He thought hard, trying to figure out what to say in return to that - there had to be something. Finally, he settled on the truth: "Whatever you want to do, Gabrielle, I'll do it."

That seemed to calm her down a little. "Good." She rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably, frowning. "I want us to agree on this - I want it worked out as best we can do it."

Joxer hoped she'd just take a nod of agreement for anything she came up with and not ask for more, because he had a feeling that was the best he'd be able to give by the time they got through this. "Yeah," he said weakly. "Me too."

Gabrielle stood, paced around a bit, then sat back down again; she never was comfortable when she was agitated. She sighed, and put her face in her hands for a few moments, then looked back up at him. "Okay. The first thing is, how do we tell Xena?"

"Uh..." He hesitated, trying to read her opinion. "How... how do you want to tell her?"

Her eyes narrowed. Wrong answer. "I don't want to tell her at all," she snapped. "Look, are you going to contribute here, or are you just going to wait for me to come up with all the answers?!"

He wilted, his shoulders sagging in front of him. "I was just... forget it. Just forget it."

She sighed, sounding aggravated. "Just - any kind of input at all, Joxer. No matter how stupid it is, at least I'll know you're thinking about it."

Gods - that hurt. Couldn't she see that? "I am thinking about it," he muttered, and watched as she stood up and paced again. Was she waiting for him to bring up their options, or was she really just not thinking about them yet? For a brief moment he considered suggesting marriage, and then cringed internally at her likely reaction. Having his heart stomped on once today was more than enough. Anything else he could suggest seemed so - presumptuous of him; bring the baby to term and then keep it with them as they travelled? Ha - that wasn't likely to work out. Expect her to settle down? Offer to take it for her while she stayed with Xena?

There was only one thing he could suggest that didn't compromise her lifestyle, and it killed him to say it; but then, this seemed to be the day for that, anyway. He stood up slowly, and took a deep breath.

"Okay - there's, there's this thing that Meg told me about once," he began. She stopped pacing, and watched him seriously. "Um, basically, some of her girls do this when they - y'know... I think, and we can ask her if you wanna, there are these herbs that, um, get rid of the baby before it gets very far into the pregnancy..." He trailed off, shrugging a little.

Gabrielle stared at him, her expression unreadable, for a few long seconds.

Then she slapped him.

He reeled back from the force of it - she'd put all of her weight into it, and he could feel a welt that would probably last the rest of the day raising already.

"Wh...?" There weren't any words he could speak - the surprise and shock were too great. But he knew, looking into her eyes as they burned with rage, that he had said exactly the worst thing possible.

She seethed, her arm trembling as she slowly lowered it, and she seemed to be having the same problem as he was at finding words to say. Finally, in a low hiss, she spat, "I can't... believe you."

"I... I was just-"

"Get away from me. I can't look at you. You're disgusting." She was backing away from him now, her hands balling into fists. There was a good chance that if he didn't do as she said, right now, he would be on the receiving end of those fists.

But he had to risk that. He couldn't leave her like this - there had to be some way to make it better, there had to. Desperately, he tried, "Gabby, I was just -"

"Not now," she snarled, and the words died in his throat. "Later. Maybe. Now just get AWAY."

And he was scared. Scared enough to take a step backwards, which she took as a cue to turn on her heel and stalk away from him at high speed.

And what scared him was the horrible, horrible thought that he would never be able to make this right. He lost his balance, fell on his backside, and just sat and stared after her.

*****

Gabrielle felt like she was going to throw up, although she had been doing that more than enough lately to know that she wasn't actually going to.

She just walked, with no idea what direction she was going in; she knew only that she had to get as much distance between herself and him as she could.

Gods. Oh gods oh gods oh gods. How... how could he say that!?

She'd known, or thought she'd known, what Joxer was like; that he was not the world's most responsible man, that he wouldn't know maturity if it kicked him in the pants. But she hadn't expected the reaction she'd gotten, even taking into account how surprised he must have been.

He hadn't wanted anything to do with it. That had taken her by surprise from the start, and it had only gotten worse from there. She hadn't expected him to try so hard not to be involved - immature or not, up to now Joxer had been a solid presence in her life and had stayed the course through other hardships.

But the idea of a baby, apparently, was enough to make him throw out his hands and back away.

And then - to suggest that --

Oh gods, she wished she could be sick again, to get rid of the feeling inside her... the way he'd made her feel, cheap and dirty and used. Like one of "Meg's girls", indifferent to the life inside of her, the baby's father an anonymous presence. Which, clearly, was what Joxer wanted.

She was alone, pregnant - well, probably, anyway - and alone. The man she'd been sleeping with for months, the man she'd called "friend" for how many years, was not who she thought he'd been; and how, how could she tell Xena this?!

Her legs kept moving, even though she wanted to collapse on the earth and try to disappear. She needed a place, any place, to think... And she didn't even know where she was. Finally, she slowed and looked around, her eyes falling a moment later on a small, mostly deserted-looking temple. She didn't know which god it stood for, and didn't care; it looked empty and she was going to take advantage of that.

The temple was ill-lit, and a bit dusty; there was an offering plate that looked like it hadn't been touched in weeks.

Perfect.

Gabrielle made her way to a far corner of the room, and crumpled to her knees, finally letting herself cry.

*****

It was midday, so Mitt took his usual midday sojourn to the bar at the corner of his street. He strode in comfortably, his eyes taking a few moments to adjust to the change from midday sunlight to the gloom within, and announced his presence the usual way. "Hey, Byrus. Still no plans to tear this dump down and put up something useful, huh?"

The bartender nodded curtly in response, his only other answer a surly snort. Mitt grinned; this too was typical.

"Ale," he requested as he pulled up a seat at the bar.

"Still no plans to bring a bit of variety into your life by actually ordering something different, huh?" Byrus said as he tapped a keg. The pint was set down roughly just before its owner.

Mitt chuckled, and waited for the head to finish foaming over the sides before he picked the glass up. "So Byrus, er... did you know there's a guy standing outside whacking his head against your bar?"

"Hrm," Byrus grunted, in a mostly-vague sign of acknowledgement. "He's been there a good quarter-hour now. He's not botherin' the customers, so I figure there's no harm being done."

"Any idea why he's there?" Mitt asked after taking a swallow of ale. He looked back over his shoulder, and couldn't see the man in question, but he could still hear the steady, muffled *thunks* of the poor fellow's head against the wooden front of the building.

The bartender shrugged. "He hasn't said, I haven't asked. Works out fine."

Mitt leaned back in his seat until he could see the man's elbow and back. He was wearing some bizarre outfit, probably a carnival performer or something ludicrous like that... Still, Mitt couldn't help but feel for him. "Think he'd like a drink?"

"As long as he doesn't cause trouble, please yourself," Byrus grumbled, and moved off to clean out the back end of the establishment.

*thunk.* Mitt wandered outside, and the head-thumps got louder. At a closer glance, what he'd taken for a carnival costume was actually a collection of ragged clothes and some comically strange armour. He gave up on trying to figure out what the outfit was supposed to *do*, and cleared his throat instead.

*thunk.*

"Hey there. You seem like you could use a drink."

*thunk.* "Kinda busy, here," the man answered without bothering to look at who he was addressing. *thunk.*

Mitt waited a moment or two - the span of two more head-thumps. "Been doing this for a while, have you?"

"Not -" *thunk.* "- nearly long enough." *thunk.*

"Doesn't it hurt?"

The man stopped, at last, and sighed, then attempted to straighted up and looked at Mitt with an entirely dizzy-looking expression. "Look," he said, jabbing a finger to the right of Mitt, "if you two have something to say, then just get it over with so I can get back to this. Otherwise, if you guys don't leave I'll be forced to get physical."

Smirking, Mitt caught the man by his shoulder just before he toppled over. "How about you take a quick break here, get refreshed, and you can start over again in a bit?"

After a pause, the man muttered, "Why not?"

"Great. Got a name, then?"

"Joxer."

"Ah, good. You can call me Mitt, and the friendly-looking fellow behind the bar is Byrus." Joxer nodded, but didn't show much more interest until the first drink was served.

*****

"If there is one thing that bugs me more than anything," announced a woman, so suddenly that Gabrielle jumped and wiped her eyes hastily, "it's people crying in my temples. I mean - bummer city, the vibes are the worst, and the people always end up looking like..." The goddess paused, cocked her head and looked at Gabrielle critically. "Jojo the dog-faced boy," she pronounced.

The bard sniffled, tried to glare and managed only a grimace, and hoped that comment had been exaggeration. "Aphrodite," she said thickly. Figures that this would be one of her temples.

"Well, I'm not exactly thrilled to see you, either. I'm still not cool with the last time we hung out, Miss Blackmail." She made her way to where Gabrielle was sitting so quickly that the bard didn't have a chance to even begin to get up and leave. "But, hey, you're here. Crying in my temples - strongly discouraged. So you gotta either stop now, or suffer the consequences."

Gabrielle frowned, studying the vision of pink and blonde at her side. "What are the consequences?"

This was met with a smile. "Somehow I knew you'd ask that. Consequences are, I zap you to Ar's place and let him make you stop crying."

With a shaky breath, Gabrielle got to her feet. "Okay. I'm going, I'm going."

Aphrodite shot a hand out and grabbed the bard's skirt. "Hey, no you're not. You can't just get up and go, not... not looking like Jojo the dog-faced -"

"I get it," Gabrielle said testily. "I'll leave you alone and you can forget I was even in here."

"Don't make me do the freeze-thing on you, Blondie!" Aphrodite said warningly. "It leaves you with the chills for days, but I'll do it if it's the only way to keep you here."

Weakly, Gabrielle sighed. "I thought you wanted me to go."

"No, I want you to stop crying. Big diff, kiddo. Now sit, and tell Aunt 'Dite what's wrong."

Gabrielle frowned, looking both stubborn and angry, but did sink back down beside the Love Goddess. "I sort of prefer to keep this to myself," she said, as icily as she could manage while she was still fighting the lump in her throat, "instead of having it spread all over Olympus."

Aphrodite looked offended. "Hey!" She paused, then sighed. "Okay... maybe I had that coming. In a sense. But look, hon, I do have some sense of decorum, and I don't just mean keeping my temples looking stylish..." She trailed off as Gabrielle looked around the tiny shrine they were seated in, a skeptical expression on her face. "...Weeeeellll, okay, so this one isn't the best example. But the temples that aren't out in the middle of nowhere -"

"Right," Gabrielle interrupted impatiently, "they look great. Lots of pink. Did you have a point?"

"Duh," answered the goddess, shaking her head so that her curls bounced slightly. "My point is, I'm good to keep this between us. That whole thing before, y'know, that was like - big happy fun secret. This is obviously not. Nothing today leaves this room, I swear on..." She paused, obviously thinking, then beamed. "On me."

"Gee, that's inspiring." It was the last bit of sarcasm Gabrielle could muster.

But Aphrodite looked surprisingly sympathetic as she leaned closer to the bard, and said quietly, "You don't have to tell me if you really don't want to. But I can be an ear, and a shoulder, if you need it."

Her sincerity, and her apparently unfeigned compassion, took Gabrielle by surprise. She hesitated, then had to blink back tears as she nodded her head. Then, looking at her lap, she said in a weak voice, "I think I do need a shoulder right now."

"Can I call 'em, or what," Aphrodite said mildly, and made herself comfortable. Then, looking around suddenly, she asked, "Hey, where's Studmuffin right now? Isn't he usually happy enough to be Shoulder Boy?"

Gabrielle swallowed hard, uncertain if she was on the verge of another flood of tears, or about to trash Aphrodite's temple. Her entire body tensed, and her shoulders started to shake. She kept her eyes on her lap.

From beside her, she heard Aphrodite mutter, "Uh-oh."

*****

"...And so then she decked him. And now she says she never wants to see him again."

Byrus was leaning on the bar, listening to Joxer's story with half-interest. "Your friend, y'mean."

"Right," Joxer nodded, and absently rubbed at a large welt on his cheek.

"Better off without 'er," Byrus grunted, pushing off from the bar and taking with him the glasses Mitt and Joxer had emptied between themselves.

Joxer sighed. "But... I really, I mean, he really loves this woman. Like, a lot." He looked at the two men, a plea evident in his eyes. "Do you think there's anything he could do to get her back?"

Mitt gave a good-natured shrug. "Well, I don't much know, Joxer. After all, it seems pretty clear your friend's lady overreacted... but then, Byrus could be right, she might not be worth the trouble. Women can be... well..." He trailed off, and the other patrons of the bar joined in with a round of mumbled "Women, oh gods..."

Byrus set a new mug of ale before Joxer, and glared at him reproachfully. "Listen, your story is older than Olympus," he began.

Joxer looked surprised. "Really? This happens a lot?"

With a grunt, Byrus returned, "Well, no, not the way you described it. But I can still tell you what your, ah, friend's problem is, here." Joxer showed more interest now than he had in anything since Mitt had brought him in. Byrus went on, "Now, your friend's mistake was, he was trying too hard to stay out of her way and not to boss her around, and he tried so hard not to tell her what to do that he took himself out of the situation entirely, right?"

"Ya think?" Joxer asked, and Byrus nodded his head forcefully.

"Oh aye. So this lady friend, here, she gets upset because her lover isn't even involved, and she's alone to make her own way."

"Mmm," Mitt hummed in assent. "Makes sense..."

Joxer looked like he was trying to take this in. "So she thinks I - uh, my friend abandoned her?" He winced.

"Exactly. An' what he should have done - and what, if you ask me, he should still do - was go on and tell her, in no roundabout way, exactly what he thought of the entire business, and just what he thinks should be done. And then, once she knows how it should be, he should make damn sure she does it," Byrus finished by balling one of his meaty hands into a fist and shaking it menacingly under Joxer's nose.

Joxer stared at the hand until it retreated, and then cleared his throat. "Ah."

"Well," said Byrus, shrugging, "that's my advice. I'm just a bartender, only been solvin' people's problems for years now..." He wandered off to cart in a new keg of ale, still muttering along those lines.

After a moment's thought, Mitt said, "Y'know, you might not be so taken with what he said, but I think he has a point. At least about your friend having taken himself out of the situation, and all. Maybe he should think about talking to her again."

Joxer paused, thinking it over, then said uncertainly, "Well, I guess I could - I mean he - I mean..." He shook his head and let it fall onto the bar in front of him. "Oh, I gotta come clean! It's not a friend, this all happened to me!"

"You don't say," Mitt said mildly.

"Do you think that changes anything?"

"Ah, I doubt it... Look, as I was saying, if your lady friend thinks you just didn't want anything to do with the baby, and you know that's not true, then tell her that! Go out there, find her, and tell her what you think. Don't let her say a word until you're done. And if she's anything worth loving as much as you say, she'll listen and she'll take you back."

Joxer didn't lift his head, but turned it so that he could see Mitt from the corner of his eye. "And... if she doesn't?" he asked, hesitantly, as if afraid to even speak the possibility.

Byrus came back out and eyed him suspiciously. "Time to toss him, eh?"

"No, he's fine. Joxer, sit up." The lanky man obliged. "If she doesn't, well, who needs her? Any reasonable woman owes you a listen. Just say what you know you mean and damn the consequences!"

Joxer blinked, taking this in, and then nodded. "Yeah. Yeah!" He stood up, so quickly that he knocked his arm on the bar and jarred it so that various half-filled bottles toppled over and smashed; this was followed by a step backwards that led to him overbalancing and knocking over a table, finally landing flat on his back, covered in various fluids.

He jumped up again right away. "I'm okay - don't worry about me, acrobatic persons like myself are more than equipped to - hey, Byrus, is there a problem?"

The surly bartender closed in on him, grabbed him around the throat, and dragged him to the exit. "When you get so drunk as to make a mess in my place, you're no longer welcome here," he growled. Joxer made a gargling noise that might have been a protest, or perhaps just an effort to breathe.

Mitt watched in interested silence, and waved when Joxer tried to signal him for help. "So long, Joxer - good luck with the whole mess you're in!"

Byrus let him go, and gave him one more quick shove on his way out the door. Outside once again, Joxer managed to catch his balance before falling over, and brushed off his armour huffily. "I'm not drunk," he yelled back into the tavern. "I just fall over things that way!"

*****

Xena spun her chakram idly on her finger, balancing the disc on its edge with a mastery that came only with years of practice. Then she growled and threw the weapon at the ground, embedding it halfway into the dirt, in a manner that came only with an extended period of boredom and resentment.

"Okay, this whole 'none of my business' bit is getting old now," she said to Argo irritably.

Argo nickered in reply, and shook her head.

"Well, of course I know that it really isn't any of my business," Xena shot back, in mock conversation. "But c'mon. It's been months. It's like they've got a club going, Joxer and Gabrielle Only. And hey," she said breezily, stooping to tug the chakram out of the ground, "I've played along. I happen to think I've been very tolerant." She hung the disc in its usual place at her side, and looked around the camp. "I've had patience. I even cleaned the damn campsite for them."

Indeed, everything that hadn't been packed yet when she'd returned to the camp was now safely stowed away, awaiting only the return of her friends. "I try to let them learn to solve their own problems, play by their own rules. They didn't want me to pry, I don't pry. But give me a break!" Pacing now, Xena shot occasional looks at Argo to make sure she was listening. "How many times am I gonna be left back here? How many times are they gonna run off together to do whatever it is they do, and then not tell me what went on when they get back? This is just getting stupid!"

Decisively, she started loading up Argo with a few of their supply bags, and said, "Okay. We give 'em five more minutes, girl, then we go looking for them. Right?"

Argo snorted and stepped forward. Xena took it as an agreement.

"At least someone still communicates with me," she said, relaxing a bit, and went back to loading up what she could of their bags. "Wonder what it is they go off and do, anyway?" she asked herself mildly, then snickered and grinned at Argo. "Ah, they're probably doin' it."

The grin slid off her face bit-by-bit, as she realized that out loud, that hadn't actually sounded like a joke.

It was supposed to be too stupid, too ludicrous to be serious; but gods, it explained too much. The disappearances. The secrecy. Oh shit, even the fact that both of them were so tired in the mornings.

They couldn't be.

There just was no way.

They wouldn't. It was impossible. She was being ridiculous.

Xena sat down heavily, and decided to give them ten more minutes instead of five.

*****

"I hate him," Gabrielle said fiercely, as she finished her story.

"Huh," Aphrodite answered, sounding rather overwhelmed.

Gabrielle clenched her fists, trying to find words to express her rage. "I just - ARGH! He's, he's such a jerk!"

At this, Aphrodite smirked. "Well duh - you've known him for how long now, and you say that like it's news?"

With a glare that could kill plantlife, Gabrielle said, "Are you saying I should have seen this coming?"

"Oh, babe, you just take any reason to get worked up, don't you." The goddess sighed. "No, I'm not saying that. And okay, so this is way out of line with the kind of jerk we all knew he was... I mean, jerk or not, Joxer's kind of a lovable guy, right?"

Gabrielle growled in response.

"Which," Aphrodite added hastily, "is why this really seems so, so - not like him. I mean, he's a jerk, not a..."

"Yes he is."

"He is what?"

"Whatever you were going to say he wasn't." The bard huffed, and crossed her arms. "You're right: he's always been a jerk, but this is beyond that."

"That's what I'm saying," Aphrodite said, nodding. "And, it's so far beyond that, that it doesn't seem like the studmuffin we know and love."

"'Love' is a pretty strong word," Gabrielle muttered darkly.

With an infuriated sigh, Aphrodite said, "Okay, fine, know and tolerate. Or whatever you want to call it. My point is, this seems like it came out of left field a little, doesn't it?" When Gabrielle didn't argue, she took it as an agreement. "So... would it maybe be possible that you misunderstood-"

"No!" Gabrielle spun to face her so quickly that her hair flew out around her. "It might seem unlikely, but I will never forget what he said! I asked him what he thought we should do, and he said that we should get rid of the pregnancy. Word for word: Meg's girls use these herbs that get rid of the baby before it gets very far into the pregnancy. Now tell me how I could misunderstand that."

Aphrodite was silent, and Gabrielle felt almost crushingly disappointed; despite herself, she'd actually been hoping to be proven wrong. Finally, the Love Goddess said, "Well. I don't know what he meant, kiddo. It's pretty obvious there's only one person you can find that out from. I can't really tell you anything you don't already know."

Gabrielle sighed. "I guess I have to talk to him again."

"You don't have to do anything." Aphrodite paused, then smiled slightly. "But you probably should. And sweetie, before you do anything else, you have got to start looking at the big picture."

Indignantly, Gabrielle blurted out, "I do!"

"As if," Aphrodite said lightly. "You're the classic forest-for-the-trees girl. In all the time you'd been boffing Jox, did you ever give any consideration to the birds and the bees?"

Gabrielle winced. "That one's pretty obvious." She put her hand over her stomach. "I wouldn't be in this situation if I had, and now-"

"So, two things. First of all - relax. You're not pregnant."

The bard's eyes went wide. "What? How do-"

"Hello? Goddess?" Aphrodite beamed, her classic I-am-the-glory grin, and patted Gabrielle's hand. "The oven's still empty, sweetcheeks. Which is probably lucky, 'cause with the way you've been tying your stomach up in knots the past couple of days, no baby could possibly be comfortable in there."

Blinking, Gabrielle took a moment to assimilate this. Halfheartedly, she stammered, "What - what's the other thing?"

"Ah, right. The other thing is, learn something from this. Big picture, remember that. You fool around, you open a whole new world of possibilities." She hesitated, then smiled humourlessly. "You blackmail a goddess, and you risk some pretty holy hell coming back down on you." When Gabrielle went pale, she laughed. "I'm joking. Well - this time. It's still excellent advice, y'know."

"I guess it is," Gabrielle murmured, and half-smiled herself. "I should - I should probably go... Xena-"

"Right. Warrior babe awaits, huh?" Aphrodite bounced to her feet in a manner that only an immortal could manage, and then held up a finger. "Before you go, though... what are you gonna do about Studmuffin?"

Getting to her feet more slowly, Gabrielle frowned. "I don't know. I don't want to think about it right now."

"That's the easy way out," Aphrodite said warningly. "Which normally, I am all for, but even that can be pushed a little far. Look... despite all of this, Jox is one mortal I really do like. ...In a kinda dopey, puppy-dog way. I mean, he grows on you."

"He does," Gabrielle agreed quietly. "But ... I don't know-"

"I'm not gonna ask you to go easy on him or anything. But do me a favour, here, and take this all seriously. Don't stop thinking about consequences just 'cause you're off the hook, and remember: big picture. Whether you really do hate the guy now or not, there obviously was *something* you saw in him that you liked... You liked him enough to sleep with him, more than once. And if you're gonna keep sleeping with him, then you're gonna have to ask yourself about the big picture. What is it that you like about him? Do you like it enough to have kids with him? What kind of father would he make?"

"That's a lot to think about."

"Yeah. It's a really big picture," Aphrodite said, grinning again. "And by the way - if you do decide to keep goin' at it, head on over to Troy. Tell 'em Aphrodite sent you and they'll hook you up with a little help to keep this from happening again."

"Sure," Gabrielle managed, though she had no earthly idea what the goddess was talking about. She began to leave, then stopped, and gathered herself together before turning back. "Look - thanks. For listening, and ... everything."

"Heyyyy," Aphrodite said, wrinkling her nose cutely, "what are Love Goddesses for? Ciao, babe!" Then she was gone, in a shower of pink hearts.

*****

She didn't want to talk to him.

The closer she got, the more her stomach did backflips that would make Xena proud; at this point she recognized that what she had mistaken for morning sickness was instead just her own magnified worry making her sick. She took a few deep breaths and her stomach quieted down a bit, but her nervousness didn't take the hint.

Aphrodite, surprisingly enough, was right. Gabrielle had to take a step back and look at the big picture... beyond the good times she was having now, everything she did in her life would have long-term repurcussions. And although she did want children one day, she didn't want to have them accidentally as a result of an irresponsible fling she was having with a friend. A family was supposed to be a product of love, not of this... Clandestine meetings in dark places, sneaking around behind Xena's back, making it in alleys and stables while no one is looking.

But... Joxer.

She did care for Joxer. She freely admitted it. And as hurt as she was by his attitude now, it didn't mean that she didn't like him.

That didn't change the fact, however, that they were acting like children. Sex had consequences; Gabrielle knew that, and had known it for years. She was an adult, not a teenager anymore. She had gone into this with her head in the clouds, and her eyes shut as if she were dreaming. It had taken this to open her eyes; she couldn't afford to let them close again.

The obvious answer was to simply tell Joxer that it couldn't go on between them. It was the adult thing to do, the mature and responsible thing; and, despite how she'd been trying to kid herself, it was the Gabrielle thing to do. She'd wanted to think that she was as open and free as Xena, and could have affairs whenever she needed or chose to... Maybe she'd even thought that she'd understand that aspect of Xena better if she tried it herself. But it just wasn't her. Her entire tense relationship with Joxer to this point was proof of that.

And yet... And yet, she didn't want to tell him it was over. Because, deep down inside, she did enjoy this. She did feel free when she was with him. She'd already realized that she couldn't have guilt-free sex with just anyone, but with Joxer... somehow it was all right.

On some level, she knew she'd be losing something when she closed the door between them.

Her stomach twisted, with guilt and sorrow this time. He would take it hard, too. Although he'd never said it, she could tell that Joxer valued their relationship just as much as she did. It wasn't just about sex with him, either - he'd been the first one to point that out. So what would they do? Go back to how it used to be, with him hanging around them and saying stupid things, with her snapping at him and hitting him? Without any kind of communication between the two of them?

She had to be realistic, before she talked herself out of this. The fact was, she'd had a very close call. And if she kept meeting with him the chances were very high that the calls couldn't get any closer. Eventually, Joxer would be fathering a child with her.

What kind of father would Joxer be? She drew a blank when she considered it. Well... Knowing what kind of person he was, he would likely be great with children. Well - children under the age of, say, six. Alicia, the young princess they'd rescued a few months ago, had been more than a little fed up with him at times... Although, to Joxer's credit, the child was royalty, and probably treated almost everyone that way.

She could see him relating perfectly to a four-year-old - joking, playing games, telling bedtime stories, making up songs. Gabrielle began to smile at the thought. But - how seriously would he take things? He was notoriously absent-minded. What if he left the baby alone in a tavern and just wandered off? What if he lost it?

Gods, who was she kidding. There was a very good chance that he wouldn't even want to be involved in raising the baby at all. That had been shown to her very clearly just a few hours ago. She stopped and leaned against a tree, putting her head in her hands.

It wouldn't work. She could try, but in her heart she knew it wouldn't work. Everything she needed to know, she had seen earlier when she'd broken the news to him. Joxer didn't want a baby; she couldn't make him want one. And if he couldn't accept the responsibilities that their circumstances required, then she had to call it off.

That was all there was to it.

She tried to remember how angry she had been before - that kind of rage would certainly help motivate her to break it off between them - but nothing came. Instead she just felt empty. But there was no putting it off any longer.

She let out a breath slowly, letting it calm her down, and lifted her head to start back to the camp. And then stopped.

Joxer saw her at about the same instant, and froze as well, about thirty feet away from her. They just stared, in that awkward moment of waiting for the other one to come closer. From a distance, she tried to gauge his state of mind... maybe it would give her an insight as to the best way to get started on this? But she couldn't read him.

She took a step, and he did the same; neither bothered to break their momentum. Now the goal was just to reach one another, without regard to who came to whom.

He came closer and closer, and she still couldn't read him. It was strange; Joxer usually had his feelings written all over his face, his body language, but just now he was a total blank. Her throat was tightening up. She steeled herself and tried out a few opening phrases in her head.

Joxer, this can't go on...

We both know this isn't working...

We need to talk, Joxer.

He got within five feet of her, and as she was opening her mouth to let out whatever she was going to say, whatever thing she still hadn't decided on, he surprised all thought out of her.

Grabbing her hand in both of his own, he dropped heavily to one knee, looked up at her, and blurted out, "Marry me?"

In some spot at the back of her mind, Gabrielle wondered if she looked as fish-like as she felt. She gaped at him, her mouth wide open.

Joxer winced. "I had a much better speech planned. I just panicked, I wanted to say something before you did. Uh... I guess there's not a whole lot of point in about half of what I was gonna say to lead in to this..." She still couldn't speak, so after staring up at her intently for a few moments, he went on. "I said all the wrong stuff earlier, and I don't blame you for getting upset. But I - I want the baby, Gab. And I want it to have the right kind of start, and the right kind of family... So... S-so if you want, I mean... If you want to get married, I mean, I'm okay with that. I'd like it." He swallowed loudly, and waited a few moments more.

Gabrielle managed to close her mouth, and blink.

Joxer winced. "If you want to. If not... that's, y'know, that's okay too..."

Finally, Gabrielle managed to react. "Joxer - you - you don't have to do this." She shook her head.

"No, no - I know that. That's the thing, Gabby... that's the part I messed up before. I never told you how I feel about it, and everything came out wrong." He was still holding her hand between his own, and his palms were so sweaty that she felt a little like her hand was being held over a pot of boiling water. "The thing is - I do want the baby, and I want to raise it with you. I'd be honoured. But whatever you want, that comes first... I just want you to be happy, I don't wanna force you into anything. Even this. So this is an option, if you want it, but the main thing is that whatever you decide, I'm behind you."

"I'm not pregnant."

He blinked, and then just stared at her - almost through her - for several moments. She wasn't sure why she'd just blurted it out like that, but it seemed to have made an impact. Finally, he said, "Oh." Dropping her hand, he got slowly to his feet, brushing off his knee as he went. "Well, thank the GODS."

Gabrielle half-smiled. Suddenly, now that she'd said it out loud, it seemed like a huge deal had been made over nothing. She felt awkward, and she could tell Joxer was regretting a number of the things he'd just said. "Yeah. Thank the gods."

"Man, 'cause I am so not ready for kids. I can't even take care of a horse full-time," Joxer joked, grinning weakly.

With the same half-smile on her face, Gabrielle gave into an impulse and kissed him on his cheek. "Thanks, though. For what you said... It was sweet, Joxer." He grinned and said nothing. "I... I overreacted earlier. I mean... maybe I should have waited to hear what you thought instead of guessing at it."

"Forget it," he muttered, still grinning.

She held out her hand. "Still friends?"

"Hey, always." He took it. His palm felt much more normal now; it was nice. "Jeez - you think Xena's still waiting?"

Gabrielle winced - she'd completely forgotten about Xena. Gods, how would they explain this? Then she shrugged - they'd think of something. "Well, she wouldn't have just left without us. We'll run into her at some point."

"Yeah," he answered. He sounded happy; it was a relief.

Though she worried about ruining his mood, Gabrielle knew it was best to bring this last subject up before they got back to camp. "Joxer... You know, we can't just forget this whole thing ever happened."

"I'm never gonna forget this happened," he answered emphatically.

"Mmm. What I mean is - we've been really dumb, and really lucky about this whole thing, and... I was thinking about what would happen if there were a 'next time'..."

"You know what I think about that," he answered, and squeezed her hand.

She smiled without meaning to. "We don't have to get married." He shrugged good-naturedly. "What I'm saying is... we can't just let it happen again."

Joxer stopped walking, and looked at her seriously. "So what should we do?"

"Well..." She bit her lip, hung her head for a moment, and then looked back up at him. "I've heard that - we could stop in Troy, supposedly they have something worked out there."

He looked at her incredulously. "Where'd you hear about that?"

"A friend told me," she said cheerfully, and started walking again. She put all thoughts of breaking it off between them out of her head, and her spirits felt lighter than they had in days. "So we just need to convince Xena to pass through Troy, and we'll be fine."

"Hey. Just in case they don't have anything for us, what do we tell her if it does happen again?"

She frowned, thinking. "We could say we got really drunk?"

He snorted. "We were walking in our sleep?"

"I can tell her it was Jett!"

"Hey!" His tone was the one he used when he was pretending to be insulted. "Just say it was something you ate."

"Funny." She swung her arm a little, enjoying the feeling of his hand in hers. "I got it. We'll tell her that it's another god-pregnancy."

"Oooh." Joxer was quiet for a while. She had taken his noise as a sign of being impressed, but a moment later he spoke up, in his 'I'm-the-greatest' voice. "So I'm a god, huh?"

"No, stupid. I said we'd tell her the father was a god."

Grinning, he said, "But if the father is a god, and I'm the father..."

She swatted him in his arm, laughing. "Shut up! That's not what I meant, and you know it!"

"Yeah, we gods are pretty omniscient..."

"Shut UP!"

*****

(C) 07/02 by Xebbie